What's a person to do?

It's been really rough being unemployed and in more ways then one. Of course theres the fact that you don't have any cash coming in except unemployment which is nothing like what you usually made. Theres the fact that there is nothing to do all day except sit and look for jobs and apply for jobs that you don't get and that you don't even get a response from a person for the ones you check on. I can go to the library because that's about the only thing in this town that's free. When you have to watch your nickles and dimes, you can't stop at the fast food restaurant b/c you don't feel like cooking dinner. I can't get bored and say, "Jeez, I need to go to the mall because there's a sale at such and such a store." Yeah it would be great to go get a new top or something but then you have to look at the big picture and say, "Ok can I get a top, or pay my electric bill? Hmm which one will help me in the long run more?" It's tough and I can relate to those who are going through this with me, before me and those who will go through it later.

I think the best way to describe the whole situation is frustrating. I thought that was my dream job, the job I'd have for years and barely 9 months later you're thrown on your tail out the door. Where do you go from here? For me, yes I have a college education but employers look at your work history and see 6 months as this job and 9 months at this job which you were fired from and they don't want to take the risk as having you on their staff. I'm so annoyed with applying to jobs that I am either not completely qualified for so they overlook you or those which I am overqualified for and they over look me. I mean I can't even get a secretary job where the qualifications say "High School Diploma."

My biggest fear/worry is what am I going to do if I don't get a job? The way the whole economy/job market is right now, there are thousands and thousands of people going for jobs. What if I don't get one? What am I going to do, move home? What's for me there, nothing. Home is even worse then here. My next job I have to stay at at least a year...no if, and's or but's about it. So how do I find a job that decent that won't drive me insane? I'm worried because the last job started great and turned into a shit show (pardon the language.) What if the next one does too, and the next, and so on? What if my working career is meant to be bonfire pit of tried and failed occupations? I know worrying gets me no where but when it's nearing the end of week 10 and nothings is in sight, the end looks pretty gloomy.

A related note: I watched this episode of 30 days on hulu.com today. (www.hulu.com is a great site for those of you out there like me who can't afford to rent movies. It's old movies but some of the TV shows are recent that they have....I don't have cable either) The links below. It will give you a good grasp on what many people in this world go through. Maybe this time in my life is to show me that I need to watch my money more closely and I was spending too free-ly before. I guess God only knows. Take care all!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/5287/30-days-minimum-wage

The Difference in Geographical Areas

On a commercial break from New Adventures of Old Christine, I turned to American Idol because well, I hate commercials. However, after the brief time I watched AI, I now like commercials better. This guy came on and you could tell he was one of those that thought he was good but he obviously only sang to his animals on his farm because he wasn't. You could tell he was a down home,country boy and as he was leaving, all rejected, he told the judges thank you and be careful. Now I thought nothing of it. I was like ohh too bad for him. However, Paula Abdul decided to flip out and go "What did you say? .... That's a threat, don't ever say that to anybody every again!" and all the judges were going crazy. Now seriously, do you think that this guy was going to come back to your hotel, even if he found your hotel and shoot you? Please! He tried to explain himself that he was just saying be careful in your travels and they continued to yell at him. I felt bad for the guy.
Ok so the point was that you can just tell the differences in people and where they live. Here in the midwest, if someone said that to me I'd probably say thanks or same to you...something to that affect (effect?) But people who grow up in cities (hmm, like L.A.) where hospitality and politeness are not very prevelant take this poor guys farewell and blow it into a "I'm coming to get you and shoot you in your head while you sleep." They need to relax and spend some more time around people who are from the midwest.

Comfort Zone

After a wicked bad cold spell, things seem to be on the upswing. It's been below zero here for a couple days and I am so ready for it to be over with! When you go outside and the instant your face hits that air your eyes start to water and you just want to turn around....yeah, I'm ready for warm weather.

I came back to my apartment today and I need to stay here for awhile! I have been home quite often lately because like I posted before, it's nicer at home being able to watch cable, and talk to people! However, the past week or so I haven't even seen my friends so I thought today was the day I needed to get back to my life and stop sitting at home on my fanny. It was weird to come back down here and I never thought it would ever be like that, ever! My apt. is great and I love it down here but it just is nerve-wracking to me that I have about two and a half more months to find something and then I'm on my own. I don't, I repeat Do Not want to have to move back home and live with my parents. As much as I love home and them, there is nothing there for someone my age; well unless you're married and thats where you live. But that's the problem, all my friends there are married so it's not like we get together all the time and hang out and go out, etc. There just are no jobs up there either and I need to stay down here.

I think one of the hardest things is that I don't have like a best friend here that I do everything with. I have a bunch of really good friends but no roommate or best friend. That's kind of hard sometimes. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I had that one best friend (or more then one) that you do like everything with, from big to little things. I don't know, I think I just really need to find a job and get back into the grove of work and things. I do appreciate all the great friends and family who have been looking and giving me heads up on positions too. That means a lot to me to have people looking out for me.

Take care everyone, good luck and stay warm!

Is this a sign or something?

Wait, do I believe in signs? I have no clue but if I did or do, or...whatever, this would be a sign. I was watching Joel Osteen on ABC Family tonight and sometimes he just speaks to me. As you can read, I've been having a tough time with my life plan and how I wanted it to go. I got fired from what I thought was my dream job and it has affected me a lot. Not where I'm a non-functioning depressed person, but that I just have this fear in the back of my head that I'm not going to be good enough for society and I'll just keep getting fired from jobs. I know I have to lose that way of thinking and I'm trying, I am but unless someone's told you you're not good enough you just don't know.

Ok so anyways, the message in the sermon was that God has a plan for us in life and we will face challenges and people who try to stop us but God has something better for us. We can't give up and we just have to keep going. God needs us to say "I'm going to rise up and live a new dream."
We may have a reason to feel sorry for ourselves but we don't have the right. God still has a plan for us. None of our challenges are a surprise to God, he had the solution before you even had the problem. Let it go so you can accept the new path God has for you. If things don't work around the way you hoped, dream a new dream. God would not have let the door close on you if he didn't know a better one would be opening. What you may think is a set-back may be a set-up. God's plan is better then our plan.

I really needed those words and as I said, if that's a sign, then I'll fully accept it and hope that the something better God has planned for me will be coming sooner rather then later.
Good Night All! Take Care

Ugh, floating along....

I'm in a rut...yup, just like a major league hitter, a three point shooter, or a field goal kicker. I'm in a rut. It's been a little over two months since I got fired and nothing is on the horizon for a job. And to top it all off, the economy is just so super right now that more and more people are losing their jobs and being thrown into the work pool and kids are graduating and looking for work. It's so hard to find anything. I wanted to go back to school for a health care position and I looked it up on the tech college website, I need 1,000 hours in a health related field to even get into the program! So I need to try to get into a health care position, without any health care work background or studies other then Health Communication Courses in college. Yeah so I'm kinda screwed! I also have this fear in the back of my mind about going to work again. I feel like I won't be adequate enough for any company now and that I will get fired again. I'll just die if that happens! I'm so scared that from here on out I'll just be a failure and I won't be able to hold a job, people won't think I'm a good worker, etc. It really scares me. I know I need to get past it but it's really hard to push in the back of my head.

Since I'm so bored at my apartment by myself, I often go back home to hang out because at least then I have the dog and I can go outside and stuff during the day. When I stay at my apt. all I do is watch TV (and I only get like 6 channels), and go shopping and spend money that I don't have. Going home allows me to watch cable for one and just relax.


I just get so frustrated with my friends sometimes. I know that I don't help the problem a lot but my whole situation doesn't help my mood when plans with friends don't pan out. We were suppose to go to that new movie Bride Wars this week (or so I thought) but I never heard anything. I thought we were going to go a benefit tonight, but I never heard anything. I think the thing that hurts the most is that sometimes I think they don't invite me because they don't want me there. Note to everyone, I have one single friend back home...that's right, one. And she's not the most outgoing person. She's shy and doesn't like the bar scene so much. So I understand when they do things with other couples but I think they also need to take into consideration that I'm the only single one (my other single friend often doesn't go out) so if I'm not invited I'm often home watching television. This town isn't so big that I can just go find others to hang with, there is no one else! I get upset because it feels like they leave me behind because I'm single but I can't help that. I also get upset when we get together and do things and it's like playing games and watching TV or just chilling at someones house. That's fun and all but not all the time. I understand you're "saving money" which is always the excuse but you don't have to spend hundreds when you go out! How am I going to meet anyone sitting on the couch in your living room?! Basically I get upset because it hurts. It hurts to be left out, it hurts to be left behind. It hurts to slip from someones mind when their planning something and you don't make the guest list. It really hurts when it's because you're single. Tonight for instance, if they went and I didn't get called, I'll be really hurt. I know I could have called but I didn't because I don't want to look desperate like I'm just aching for something to do. I guess my pride gets in the way and I bring my own hurt upon me. What's a happy balance? I'm not sure if there is one.

Alright, another thing, I have a crush on this guy who bartends at a friends bar in town. He is good friends with our friend who owns the bar and he often spends time with them bartending or just hanging out with them. He's a nice guy and I do like him but I don't think the feelings is mutual. Honestly, I don't blame him, but my friends could go with me there to enjoy some eye candy couldn't they? ;)

Ok, I'm done ranting and raving about all the negative. Hopefully it will turn around soon. Take Care All!